Jean-Claude Van Damme Tribute - The Muscles from Brussels - College Downtime Random Funny Tribute

Jean-Claude Van Damme Tribute
Tribute written by Raffman, Last updated on February 1st, 2006
Visit Van Damme's sweet website at http://www.jeanclaudevandamme.net/.

If there's anyone in the history of martial arts more lethal than the overrated Chuck Norris, it's Jean-Claude Van Damme. You know, Frank Dux. Guile, from Street Fighter. The "Muscles from Brussels". Don't believe me? Let's look a little deeper then. You've all seen "Bloodsport", right? I hope so, because it's only the sweetest martial arts film ever. In this glorious movie, Jean-Claude enters to fight in the deadly Kumite underground tournament, where the losers don't just lose, they die. Van Damme, fighting as Frank Dux, literally roundhouse kicks his way into the finals, past kickboxers, sumo wrestlers with superhuman strength, and bouncy monkey men that like to slap their opponents on their temples. Death is everywhere, but Frank Dux overcomes everything, for a date with one of the scariest, creepiest bad guys you'll ever see. Well, at least when you watch this as a kid. Here's the best part of the movie, and the very reason why Jean-Claude Van Damme deserves his own Tribute here at College Downtime: in the Kumite finals, Dux is forced to fight blind against his deadliest opponent yet. Let's just say blind or not, Frank Dux can still roundhouse like a mother, and he ends up winning it all. And on top of that, he's got that awesome game face on the entire time. You see, watching "Bloodsport" as a kid, was the coolest thing ever. Everyone wanted a mullet, and everyone wanted to learn how to roundhouse like Van Damme could. You know, just in case a secret team of ninjas broke into your parents house one night and threatened to steal your little sister. Hey, it could happen. So what do you say, Chief? Still not convinced about making Van Damme an Interweb diety? Then let's pull out the ol' shovel and dig a little deeper.

Alright, if you need more proof that Van Damme is a complete badass, check out how he trains. I bet Chuck Norris couldn't train like that; only Frank Dux could. Want more proof? Then look no further than his soundboard. You'll be able to play all his classic and witty one-liners that vaulted him into worldwide stardom. Like my personal favorite from his soundboard, "I need some mean toys." God that never gets old, I swear. Of course, to be enshrined here at College Downtime as a tribute, you need to have ridiculous amounts of popularity, which Jean-Claude has without a doubt. His movies aside, Jean-Claude has lived on since his film-days thanks to the Internet, and most notably from the leaders of our generation. And by leaders, I mean Dane Cook. You see, in his first album Dane Cook dedicated an entire joke to Jean-Claude Van Damme, which was one of my favorite bits from the cd. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Dane Cook explains the Van Damme joke in my exclusive interview with him a few months ago. I think that makes him pretty friggin popular. Speaking of popular, popular people generally have fan clubs right? Chuck Norris doesn't have a fan club. Van Damme on the other hand has 3 official fan clubs! If I could carry a gun this big, I bet I'd have 3 official fan clubs too. Couple that with a delicious, greased-up mullet, and I'd be unstoppable. But this tribute isn't about me, it's about the Muscles from Brussels. It's about Frank Dux, the badass who could kill a man in pitch darkness with both hands tied behind his back. Accept no imitation, Van Damme is for real.

Jean-Claude, if you happen to ever read this, we'd love to do an quick interview with you, you've got a lot of fans out here in this corner of the Internet. Until then, bow your heads and raise your glasses to the real Frank Dux; the actual one sounds like a douche.

Join the Official Jean-Claude Van Damme Fan Club: right here.

- Discuss this random tribute in the forums.

- Back to all the Random Tributes, or back to the Humor section.
- Click here to head back to College Downtime's front page.