"The Californian Spell-Checker", July 18th, 2004
Funny Hate Mail at College Downtime
Original Message -----
From: "some guy in California" - managing_director@conceptcar.co.uk
To: raffman@collegedowntime.com
Sent: Friday, July 16, 2004 7:04 PM
Subject: FUNNY (IRONIC) RANTS
Hey Bud:
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You spent several hundred mediocrely-chosen words dissing the admittedly stupid Simpson babes. Ironically, you revealed your own partial literacy in the process... 1. it's "tout", not "tought" (to promote something for acceptance or sale) 2. "definite", not "definate". Spell checker would have caught this one easily. 3. The part about adding new sections "like its our job" should read "like it's our job". The apostrophe is there to denote a contraction from "It is". 4. You use "douchebag" to describe the 7-11 jerk, twice in a couple of sentences. Good grammatic style requires that you do not repeat yourself. The second time, you should've (apostrophe denotes contraction from "should have") said "jerk" or "asshole" or something. Jeez, did I just use "jerk" twice in two sentences? Well, you understand now, hopefully. 5. You do not work "to accomodate (mispelled!) FOR(superfluous preposition!) the increased traffic"; you work simply "TO accommodate the increased traffic". For guys who brag about 25K hits a day, you sure are piss poor wordsmiths. 6. It's "remodelled" with TWO "L"s. 7. Pamplona: "unless your into this kind of stuff". Raffman, it's "unless you're into this kind of stuff". The apostrophe is used to denote contraction from "you are". The possessive pronoun "your" is the second person equivalent of "my". There are a few more minor gaffes, and your style is nonexistent or it would be irritating. Are you in Remedial English or not? You should be! SGiC |
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Original Message -----
From: "raffman" raffman@collegedowntime.com
To: managing_director@conceptcar.co.uk
Sent: Friday, July 16, 2004 11:40 PM
Subject: Re: FUNNY (IRONIC) RANTS
Dear some guy in California,
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First off, let me apologize for a few things. I'm sorry that my article regarding the Simpson sisters offended you so. I'm sorry that I forgot to run a spell check before posting it; I hope you can forgive me. I'm sorry that your imaginary friend put sand in your Vasoline this morning; I'm sure the scars are only temporary anyway. I've also taken your advice and signed up for a few classes dedicated solely to my soft spots that you have pointed out: contractions, repetitiveness, and spelling. I've already started my contractions class, see how good I am already?!? I can't wait to show all my friends now! Ever read a book and get a visual image of what the characters look like if they were actual people? I sure do, hell, I do even when I'm reading emails from random people like yourself. Based off your email address alone, you're probably some 20-30 something who's working a completely dead-end job. Your title, "Managing Director", says it all. I know every Friday and Saturday night you and your groupies probably pop in Fast and the Furious and circle-jerk to Paul Walker and all the kool carz and hot babez. I know for a fact you don't like George W. Bush; hell he's trying to ban gay marriages altogether. Hey, I'm starting to get better at these contractions! So am I close? Even if I was, I bet you'd never admit it; you're too stubbern. So as you're taking notes and paging through one of your many pocket thesauruses for your response, let me say a few more things. No one likes people like you; that's why you devote your weekends to editing random websites' articles for fun. Hell, from now on I'll deliberately leave random grammatical errors throughout my posts so you don't get bored waiting for a response to your posts on your Dungeons and Dragons forum. Finally, I think you need to look over your notes on Capitalization and paragraph usage; your email was gruesome. See your first and second points for the capitalization probems you seem to have had; I'm sure it was the computers mistake or something. Couldn't have been you there, not twice ... could it? Nah. You're too good for that. Kind Regards, Some Dude who Just Pissed all Over You |
Original Message -----
From: "some guy in California" managing_director@conceptcar.co.uk
To: "raffman" raffman@collegedowntime.com
Sent: Saturday, July 17, 2004 7:33 PM
Subject: Re: FUNNY (IRONIC) RANTS
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You are one nasty piece of work. Are you educable or did you drop out in the fifth grade? Your tone is completely anti-social. I'm not surprised that you took the attitude you did; why be professional when you don't think you need to? Regarding your ignorant assumptions on my job, age, etc., every single one was wrong but one. In the UK, a "managing director" is the guy in charge of an entire company (equivalent to American CEO), so you're correct that I'm stuck in a dead-ended job, because once you've reached the top, it's a dead end. Wanker. SGiC |
Original Message -----
From: "raffman" raffman@collegedowntime.com
To: managing_director@conceptcar.co.uk
Sent: Sunday, July 18, 2004 7:32 PM
Subject: Re: FUNNY (IRONIC) RANTS
Dear Susan,
|
Let's get a few things ironed out. Company? No, no my friend; all you are in charge of is a website, one that you didn't even design. Therefore calling yourself the "Managing Director", which I'm sure wows the ladies over there, of your 2 or 3 "employees" must make you feel pretty good. See anyone can create a website and pretend its a registered company; heck some like yourself even like to create pretend job titles for your "employees" so that it looks real to the average visitor. How can I assume all of this? Let's dig a little deeper, shall we? For starters, you spend your "workdays" perusing through other websites searching for grammatical easter eggs to help boost your rather large ego, further positioning yourself as the "God of All that is Grammar." Secondly, if you actually are running a legitimate business than you must be making a fucking fortune off GoogleAds, because that's the only source of possible* income you got. And note I say "possible" because I know you don't get jack for traffic; and in this business my friend, traffic is income. How do I know you don't got jack for traffic? Well your "booming" company, err .. website forgive me, revolves around your discussion boards, or forums. Seeing that you have no more than 30, yes THIRTY, posts in any of your forums pretty much sums up that absolutely no one sees your website. Now I can see why you chose all free scripts for your site seeing that you probably make 15 bucks off your GoogleAds a month. Split that between your two imaginary employees that you have control over and you've got one tight budget. Can you even afford tea and biscuits with that? If you still want to bullshit me, explain your Alexa rating. 212,844 = zero traffic. Let's do a quick review: remember what I said earlier about traffic and what it means to your web business? Traffic = money. They're directly proportional, you see. I may have gotton B's in my english courses, but I know how to run a business because I have one, a real one unlike yours. Who's teaching who now? Ahh, the apprentice has become the master. As I look back at your response, I realize you have been at least a little truthful about being in a dead-end job. Although, it's pretty easy to be "Managing Director" when you're the only f*cking employee. As for being professional, I think you should look at yourself instead, "Bud". The "Wanker" comment at the end was pretty classless, let alone cheesy. Furthermore, why even lie? Does it make you feel better? I'm not wasting any more time on you ... tell your 30 users I said hello. Kind Regards, Raffman Webmaster CollegeDowntime.com |
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