Away Messages, Funny Away Messages for AIM and ICQ

Away Messages, Funny Away Messages for AIM and ICQ
Away messages are important because you know damn well all your so-called buddies are snooping around to see what you're up to. Well here at College Downtime we've thousands of funny away messages for AIM, ICQ, MSN; hell, you can use these away messages for any instant message program you want. We're always adding new away messages, whether they're funny, clever, or boring, because variety is the spice of life. We hope you enjoy our massive and ever-growing funny away message collection and enjoy College Downtime!

Away Message Categories
Bathroom Eating Funny Random Insults Life Put Your Thinking Cap On Getting Drunk Phone Love Homework Sexual Shopping Sleeping TV

You have stumbled upon some of the Funniest AOL MSN and YAHOO Away Messages on the internet! Obviously you can see for yourself that we are looking to get the highest quality AOL MSN and YAHOO Away Messages that you use yourself. Feel free to use ours and please submit one of your own. Here at College Downtime we are trying to build the biggest and best humor website on the planet. So if you have any funny, serious, or just plain offensive AOL MSN OR YAHOO Away Messages submit them now.

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1	If life gives you lemons, throw them at some one!
2	Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the net and he won't bother you for weeks.
3	Only fools leave away messages. (Doh!)
4	How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you...
5	If you want to know where I am call a psychic! If you're too lazy to do that just leave me a message!
6	I'm not talented enough to type and pick my nose at the same time.
7	Roses are red, violets are blue, most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't. I suck at poetry, and creative away messages, so leave me one if it's important.
8	I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
9	Don't Worry!, I don't know where I am either.
10	Hold on I have a big booger hanging in my nose. I will get back to you when I am done picking it.
11	Is your computer running? You better go chase it.
12	I have a secret to tell you... I'm away from my computer right now.
13	Am I here? I'm not sure. Leave a message and I might get back to you.
14	I'm sitting right at my computer, you can IM me but I'm too lazy to respond at the present time.
15	How about you leave me a message and I ignore you? Sound good?
16	I dropped my keyboard when I find it I'll get bac ...
17	I'm not here right now but if you scream really loud into your monitor I might be able to hear you!
18	Lost...
19	Help! I've fallen and can't reach my mouse!
20	Masturbating right now, leave me one. (Oh crap, did I just write that?)
21	People that scan away messages for entertainment are pathetic. Let me know if you find any good ones.
22	Jeez you are fuckin snoopy, you don't see me reading your away message constantly, do you? Well, not counting today.
23	Deleted Scene from Star Wars Darth Vader: Ahh Hell naaah Luke. You ain't gonna be steppin to me like that! I'ma fuck yo ass up.
24	The Only thing worse than people who keep themselves up to date by reading the away messages are those who leave the long detailed messages of where they are. I got news for you no one cares!!
25	if you were a weener i'd so totally suck you
26	hey nice circumcision
27	I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my hande, here is my...other handle? Shit, i'm a sugar bowl!
28	Do you have any idea how hard it is to find lumps of partially dissolved cocnut powder in Antarctica?
29	Yo, I'm out like a fat girl in dodgeball. Hit the cell.
30	TV is god, And im praying...
31	I'm out like nipples in ice water.....leave some
32	U've been a bad girl, go to my room [Submitted by LuVhUrTz]
33	I think that getting struck by lightning is the worst way to die. Its like God's drive by shooting.
34	It is a dog eat dog world and I am wearing Milk Bone underwear.
35	Real Men of Genius. Today I salute you, Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out living college life, you are at home reading about it on your computer. Right-mouse-clicking and Getting Buddy Info, or even using the little Info icon at the bottom of your Buddy List. Sure there are people on your list that you haven't talked to in years, and would probably consider you a stalker for keeping them there, but that doesn't stop you from reading their away messages...EVERY DAY. So click open a fresh new Buddy Info window, Marauder of the Mousepad, and don't wander too far from your computer...because you never know when someone will be back.
36	"today we salute you, stressed out college student during exam week. as you sit in your lonely cubical in the library, doped up on starbucks & aderol, you think to yourself, am i ever going to need to know this sh!t in life? the distractions are tempting and you have suddenly diagnosed yourself with ADD along with advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage, i'm sure by now you know exactly what everyone is doing because you have checked your buddy list 800 times. christmas break is just days away, and your prozac prescription will be in tomorrow. so crack open an ice cold bud light after that last exam, because for most of us, christmas will be spent in rehab..."
37	Girls are like finals because:-you'd rather get an easy one.-you get in a lot of trouble if you get caught cheating on one.-if you are drunk when you do one, it takes a lot longer to finish.-the less they have on them the better.-they suck and/or blow.-when you finish one, you have to immediately start preparing for the next one.-if you have more than one scheduled at the same time, you have a problem.-you have to put in a lot of effort for very little reward.-nothing about them makes any fucking sense.-they just lie there and you have to do all the work.-when you are done you get up and leave.-good curves make for a more enjoyable experience
38	If you think life is bad now, how would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You get eaten once. It takes four minutes to get hard, and only two minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys, but worst of all, the only chick that ever sat on your face was your mom! So cheer up, your life isn't that bad! __KB
39	thats right ladies, I'm optimizing my hardrive, :-* don't all call at once Grrrrrr
40	I have the most awesome penis ever!
41	Whether at the poker table or in bed, I do the same thing when I smell pussy....ATTACK IT!!!
42	Don't be mad because his tits are bigger than yours!
43	I'm sorry the number you are trying to reach is no longer in service or has been temporarily disconnected......Please hang up and try your call again..... if you believe you have reached this recording in error you may hang up then dial the operator!
44	You must first dial a 1 or a 0 before you make this call.... please hang up and try your call again!
45	for a good time, IM %n
46	You have just recived the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for your cooperation!
47	Sometimes it is better to keep your mouth shut to refrain from sounding stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
48	How do you keep an idiot busy for hours and hours? Scroll to the bottom of the text. . .. ... .... ..... ...... ....... ........ ......... .......... ........... ............ ............. ............ ........... .......... ......... ........ ....... ...... ..... .... ... .. . . .. ... .... ..... ...... ....... ........ ......... .......... ........... .......... ......... ........ ....... ...... ..... .... ... .. . How do you keep an idiot busy for hours and hours? Scroll to the top of the text.
49	I don't pay you to think hot lips...in fact I don't pay you at all...COUNT IT! -Peter Griffin-
50	Dr. Seuss' lost tounge twister see if you can do this: This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is dumbass cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat. Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top. Betcha you can't resist passing it on.
51	When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.
52	I used to hate it when aunts and grandmas, used to come up to me at weddings and pinch my cheeks and say "Your next" "Your next". Well they stopped doin that crap when i started to do it to them at funerals. BRB
53	You know what pisses me off? People who point at the wrist when asking the time, i know where my watch is buddy where they f**k is yours? I mean do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is??
54	I am not currently available right now. However, if you would like to be transfered to another correspondent, please press the number that best fits your personality: -If you are obsessive compulsive, please press "1" repeatedly. -If you are codependant, please ask someone to press "2". -If you have multiple personalitites, please press "3", "4", and "5". -If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace your call. -If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and the little voice will tell you which number to press. -If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press, no one will answer.
55	I'm riding the ponies outside WalMart. Be back when I run out of quarters.
56	Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some Marijuana. Jack got high and dropped his fly and said do you wanna? Jill said yes and dropped her dress and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot her pill and then they had a son.
57	The sky was dark, The moon was high, We were alone, just her and I, Her hair was brown, her eyes were too I knew just what she wanted to do, So with my courage I did my best, I placed my handupon her breast, I trembled and shook and felt her heart, Slowly she spread her leags apart, I knew she was ready, But I didnt know how, It was my first try, At milking a cow.
58	Procrastination is like masturbation...in the end you just end up screwing yourself.
59	How can you keep an idiot busy? Click Here to find out...
60	I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.
61	Two words guys hate... don't & stop unless you put them together!
62	You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
63	Checking away messages. It's like stalking, but no one knows you are doing it. I even have people's names on my buddy list that I don't know, but I hear they have really good away messages. Some people really put their all into away messages. There are the people who document their every move: "I am taking a shower, but when I get out, I am going to pee, shave, and then iron my pants. Call me if you need me before I go to the mall at 2pm." Then there's the creative one: "I am away from my computer right now." And of course there's that one from the really cool guy: "Yo its friday night, I am drunk, and not sittin up lookin at away messages" Funny how that guy never seems to go idle.
64	Never argue w/ an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with expirience. Never argue w/ me, I'll drag you down to my level & beat you with a bat.
65	I'm not here right now, but if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone... buy me a cell phone.
66	Rules of me: #1. i am always right #2, just in case i am wrong see rule #1
67	Mickey Divorces Minnie Judge: Mickey you can't divorce Minnie on the account that she's silly. Mickey: I didn't say she was silly, I said she was f**king Goofy!!
68	You are probably doing one of these two things: 1. You think you are slick by checking my profile to see what my away message is, so you don't have to IM me and look stupid. -or- 2. You are looking stupid because there is a little yellow post-it right next to my name, and yet you still IM me.(With the exception that I was talking to you before and now you are answering me, and in that case you are SLOW!)
69	10 Reasons to Date a Hockey Player 1. They always wear protection 2. They have great hands 3. They are used to scoring 4. They have great stamina 5. They find the opening and get it in 6. They never miss the target 7. They know how to use their wood 8. They have long sticks 9.They know when to play rough 10. Because baseball players only know how to hit balls.
70	You have just recieved the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don't have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for you cooperation.
71	People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
72	Leave a message, and I'll IM you back later. Leave a SEXY message and I'll IM you back sooner
73	10 things men know about women: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. WOMEN HAVE BOOBS
74	Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, youre a mile away and you have their shoes. See ya when i get back......
75	I'm playing hide n seek with Bin Laden damn he is good! So it might be a while.
76	If you want me to fall for you, you better get something for me to trip over.
77	My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
78	You're not drunk if you can lay on the floor with out holding on...
79	Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions.
80	The first time I was chatting with someone online, they asked me "asl?" I tried to sound it out and got realy ticked of and started warning them because I thought they were calling me an asshole.
81	I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive...But suicide's a crime :-/
82	Nobody is perfect. I am Nobody. Therefore I am perfect.
83	Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away. Like choking.
84	I am on a quest to the deepest darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for a may not return alive.
85	Take a few chances you wish you had later, live life a little more, fear a little less, and remember, When life gives you lemons, throw them back and tell life to MAKE ITS OWN DAMN LEMoNADE!
86	There is a smurf at my door and i have many questions to ask him...like what color his face turns when he holds his breath...bb when i'm done!
87	Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of a nerve that connects the eyeball to the asshole? It is called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a sh*tty outlook on life. If you don't believe me, pulla hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.
88	Are you aware of the discovery in the human body of a nerve that connects the eyeball to the asshole? It is called the anal optic nerve. It is responsible for giving people a sh*tty outlook on life. If you don't believe me, pulla hair from your ass and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eye.
89	If the ocean were vodka and I were a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and drink it all up. But the ocean's not vodka, and I'm not a duck, so pass me the bottle and lets get f**ked up!
90	I was planning to take over the world, but I got distracted by something shiney...
91	Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
92	I fell out of my chair... this could take awhile.
93	I put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.
94	Think about it? Will they ever give the Tricks bunny some cereal? " Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!" or leave the leprochon alone?" they stole me lucky charms!" Life is just not fair! Even the bunnies get screwed!
95	My Braces Are Stuck To The Carpet...
96	Sorry I am being Chased by 6 Penguins and they seem to want my ButterFinger but damnit they can't have it. So I will be back after I have run them over with my Barbie Car.
97	Having a staring contest with my wall... BLINK "dammit!!!!!"
98	Are you mad at me? If not, press Alt+F4.
99	If you sleep with a girl without protection, you're having sex with everyone your partner had sex with before. So if your girlfriend slept with a guy, who slept with your ex g/f, who you slept with, technically you could be screwing yourself.
100	Let's dicuss right and left... you're right, I left! :-P
101	Right now I'm dancing in front of a full length mirror in spiderman underwear. I could really use some music....
102	His AE shirt ... $35, his A&F shorts ... $48, his GAP boxers ... $12, his Adidas sandals ... $20. All these items on your floor . . . priceless.
103	If you really want something in this life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
104	It's only funny untilsomeone gets hurt...then it's hilarious!!!
105	Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.
106	I'll be back when I can get my head from between the rail in my stair case.
107	I am right 90% of the time. So why worry about the other 3%?
108	Sorry, I only listen to the little voices inside my head...
109	Tickets to a Brittney concert: $54hockey mask: $14a dozen eggs: $3egging America's pop-princess: priceless
110	Its not right for people to walk around with there shirts off to show their muscles... I mean you don't see me walking around with my shorts off.....
111	:-) :-) I smile because I don't know what's going on :-) :-)
112	Confusius say: Man who eat jelly beans fart in technicolor
113	I Put the FU in "fun"
114	I threw rocks at the campus clown again, so if the police show up at your door, we never had this conversation...
115	This is (your sreen name): If you are the credit card company, I already sent the money. If you are one of my friends, you owe me money. If you are female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
116	I just finished hanging a poster of %n over my bed, and now I am just praying that it will fall down on top of me.
117	A rejected invention:Instant water! just add water!
118	Inventions rejected:fireproof matches
119	668-9911.......... thats the # to my eye doctor's office, because you can't see the YELLOW note pad in front of my s/n
120	OHHH. Shiny object. So pretty............
121	I'm doing something really important right now. I'm spinning in my computer chair, be with you when I can see straight again......"PLease stop the room from spinning, I'd like to get off
122	Following the yellow brick road......Damn munchkins!
123	YOUR COMPUTER IS NOW INFECTED WITH A BAD VIRUS. But... If you want to fix your computer, do what these directions tell you: Type the following into your favorite write program (Microsoft Word, Notepad etc.): Type an M Type an I before the M Make a space after the M Type a P Type a D after the P Type an S right before the P Type a U Before the P But after the S Make a Space after the D Type an R Type An O BEFORE and AFTER the R Go back to the begining Type an A before the S and then make a space Go to the end Type an M Before the first O Go to the middle Type a T between the S and the U Type an I inbetween the P and the D Go to the very end. Type an N Now read the code out loud. Your virus is gone!
124	Hello, you have reached %n's away message, your message will be answered to in the order in which it was recieved, your message is number 1,645,845 , please hold, your message is important to me.
125	For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
126	Warning: Do not drink the battery acid. It doesn't taste good and will hurt you. Also do not bite the tires, especially while the bike is moving.Our lawyers made us put these warnings in. -In a manual for a motorcycle
127	Incase of fire scroll down!! . . . I said in case of a fire dummy!
128	I'm in the back yard hunting sharks.
129	A wise monkey never messes with another monkey's monkey.
130	Beware of the little green men in pink tights. They run fast and can jump out of nowhere. I am running away from them right now.
131	This place reeks of evil. Either that, or it's sausage... Nope, I'm pretty sure it's evil.
132	I Hate You! You Hate Me! Barney Tried To Harass Me! When He Pulled Down His Pants And Said Lets Play Sorry Barney I'm Not Gay!
133	I do what cheerios tell me.
134	I hate it when someone asks me "If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?" So, I'm on my way to go jump off a bridge because I wanted to be a trend setter and jump off the bridge first. I won't be jumping just because everyone else did!
135	Don't make me mad......I'm known to bite at random!!!
136	I m a l i t t l e s p a c e d a t t h e m o m e n t b e b a c k w h e n i c a n p u l l m y s e l f b a c k t o g e t h e r
137	If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's wife? Trust me, it's not.
138	If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
139	How do you kill a purple elephant? Use a purple elephant gun. How do you kill a gray elephant? Strangle it until it turns purple and then shoot it with the purple elephant gun.
140	Shhh, I was never here...
141	I want you.............. I need you.............. to leave a message.
142	Talking to me while i'm away is like talking to a deaf person and expecting results.
143	I am an evil poptart [::]! I am out collecting sprinkles for my breakfasty self.
144	I'm hearing voices in my head and they don't like you!
145	The word of the day is "legs" I'll go spread the news
146	Chase a squirrel cause trees need hugs!
147	I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.
148	Heaven doesn't want me... But Hell's afraid I'll take over!
149	An error has occured in trying to IM (your sn) please restart your computer and try again. ~Natalie Owens
150	Think of it this way...I dont want to talk to you.
151	Hey %n, if I wanted to hear from an asshole right now then I would have farted!
152	WARNING! Never attempt to directly fax anyone an image of your naked buttocks. Always photocopy your buttocks and fax the photocopy. -Warning label on a fax machine
153	You have reached the reverend (yourscreenname's) confession hotline. Please leave your sin, and I'll get back to you with a penance. Remember that a confession doesn't count unless it's a vivid, detailed, blow-by-blow description of the sin. Thank you.
154	I'm having a staring contest with the wall. It's harder than I thought! Anyway, when I win, I'll be back.
155	Shhhhh! I'm hiding from %n...Damn! How did you find me??
156	I'm bartending at an AA meeting..bbl
157	If you press F1 and then F2 and then tab over you will be able to hear my voice through your speakers. Repeat 10 times.
158	Ahhh I'm running after the bad guy who took my pack of Skittles..... I worked hard for that pack..... Ahhh he's eating them!!! Now he's throwing them at me.... Call 911!!!
159	Yankee Doodle went to town ridin on his mother every time he hit a bump he had another brother.
160	Dude did u know that a gorilla escaped? Well I didn't either until it knocked on my door, called me a dirty ho, and kicked me in the leg! So right now I am chasin that damn monkey! I'm gonna knock his lights out! Yeah thats what I'm gonna do so chill 4 a bit..!
161	Gettin arrested:-)bb in 2-5 years
162	Dont trip....Or you'll fall for me! =)
163	If you are a hooker, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a girl, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
164	hey %n I've got candy. Get into my van.
165	Email me at (email address) while I'm away with all emails including love letters and death threats...why is it I always get more death threats than love letters (c'mon people spread the love)
166	Remember, %n, that when someone annoys you it takes 32 muscles in your faceto frown, but only 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that mofo upside the head.:-D
167	I am at my th-peech impediment cla-th. Learning how to get rid of my li-th-p.
168	OMG! %n just ran into a pole...This may take a while......
169	Leave one, I'll reply in 5 minutes or less... or your money back guaranteed! (See rules for details, no purchase necessary)
170	Two beers $7three margaritas $15four jello shots $20Taking home the girlwho drank all of the above....PRICELESS
171	Two beers $7three margaritas $15four jello shots $20Taking home the girlwho drank all of the above....PRICELESS
172	If you don't like me then screw YOU... But if you like me screw ME... hehe... brb
173	I'm having a karate competetion between me and the person on the other side of my mirror. Be back when I win.
174	Hey...I'd loved to chat and all, but I'm too busy chasing the furry little men around my room....
175	I'm tired of all this sex on the TV,I mean, I keep falling off! -Monty Python.
176	BrB, thinking of an away message.
177	Sry my cat has the mouse...........
178	The owner of this screen name is away from the computer right now; you are talking to their older brother; Please feel free to tell me all your juicy secrets though....
179	Before you critize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you critize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes!
180	%n has just recieved the Amish computer virus. Since the Amish do not have computers, it is based strictly on the honor system. Please delete all files on your computer. Thank you for your cooperation.
181	The screen name "%n" currently has a virus. If you are in contact with this name please notify AOL immediatly.
182	If you are more then 80% addicted to aol instant messenger, call 1-800-i-need-a-life.
183	Gone to watch %n through their window.
184	I need to feed my pet leprechaun, so I can get the gold at the end of the rainbow, so just sit back and relax...This may take a while.....
185	Instructions on how to keep an idiot busy: Read instructions again.
186	Hey %n! Sorry but I'm kinda busy lookin in your window. Talk to me when I get back to my computer.
187	Standing on train tracks, don't worry, a train won't hi..
188	I'm busy right now but leave your name and number so I can throw it away.
189	Getting a tattoo on my butt that says %n
190	I'm playing hide-and-go-seek. Try to find me.
191	In honor of Halloween, I'm about to perform an unspeakable pagan ritual. So please leave a message. Unless you're a virgin, in which case, why don't you stop by?
192	That which does not kill me had better run pretty darn fast.
193	I can talk right now cuz I'm in Afghanistan playing don't drop the hand grenade with Usama Bin Laden.
194	Oh no! The commercials are true! The slim jim man really is alive and he is in my stomache flirting with my cupcake!
195	This is an alien being from XXXTTB23. I have been sent to earth in the form of an away message so that I might mate with your computers. You may not know it but as you read this, I am having sex with your computer.
196	Lost my bikini top surfing the web... hold on while I go and find it!
197	Picking the fuzz off my sock, be back when I'm done.
198	Out of my mind. Back in 5 minutes.
199	Don't hate me cause im beautiful, hate me cause ur boyfriend thinks I am
200	Suicide Hotline... please hold
201	Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! My house is on fire!!! Must....save....computer.... kinda preoccupied at the moment, please leave message, oh yeah, and call 911, must....save......computer......
202	I'm making out with some hott, random guy that showed up at my doorstep. So will ya give us a minute? Jeesh!!
203	Girls are like computers, they like to be turned on!!!
204	Hey, I'm having a party right now! We have a DJ who rocks the house, a dance floor, plenty of food, and all the kewl people. If you IMing me, obivously you weren't invited!
205	You want me, huh?
206	Busy polking my neighbor with a spork. be back soon shes really old and wrinkly this is fun muahahaha
207	My dogs head is stuck in the door! Wait! I don't have a dog so once I figure out what is stuck in the door I'll get back to you.
208	Who are you? and why are you reading my Away Message?
209	Help!ican'tfindthespacebar
210	The zoo called....they want you back in the cages with the other monkeys!!
211	Quick! Everyone IM %n!
212	Only stalkers look at other people's away messages!
213	Note: Away messages are not accessible through AOL Instant Messenger.
214	Hey %n I am not at my computer right now cause while I was away my computer ran away, so I am chaseing it right now. If you see me go past your house running after a computer, put up this away message and come and help me!
215	Sometimes my mind wanders...but I can't get it back... Don't worry you can still talk to me.
216	Hello. You have reached The Autopsy-IM. If you are already cut open, Press 1.If you are ordering a new body, Press 2.If you are ordering a cut body, Press 3.If you are picking up a body, Press 4.If you chose none of the options above, please stay on the IM. You will soon be tracked down and picked up in a nice cozy black 'sleeping-bag'.Have a nice day and thank you for choosing Autopsy IM!
217	Kidnapped
218	You have reached my AIM answering machine. Leave me a message. Your message is currently number 5852 and I will start answering messages from number one so please wait patiently until I get to you.~Beep~
219	Diamonds are nice, so are toys, but they aren't nuttin like those sexy ghetto boys.
220	Right now,i'm sitting on my couch,watching t.v., eating,and getting fat.........no surprise there!
221	Downloading porn at 56K....SO BACK OFF
222	How do blind people find those dots for reading when they don't know where it is?
223	The world is coming to an end. Please log off
224	My dog ate my away message...
225	Feeding my pet old person right now...be back later!
226	Feeding my pet midget right now...be back later!
227	Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity. Repetition is a sign of stupidity.
228	HELP ME!!!!! I'M BEING CHASED BY A KILLER AFLAC DUCK. QUACK. HELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP
229	If you go to your friends house and ask were the bathroom is and they say down the hall second tree to the left They must be poor.
230	If you are a man, let's have a show of hands. Who here is female, let's have a show of hands. Who here is an idiot? Great. Now put your hands down, everybody.
231	What if the hokey pokey is real? What's it all about? Will we have to turn ourselves around?
232	OK here is how it is: You are not important enough for me to drop everything I'm doing and talk to you unless your MY BOO then I will drop everthing including my G-string and come talk to you! Luv ya sexy!
233	hello %n, im a little busy, if it's an emergency, call 911
234	Running around robbing banks all whacked out on scooby snacks.
235	Hey everyone, I'm not here right now so if you would leave your reason for IM'ing me when you saw that I had an away message up, I will get back to you as soon as possible...
236	Attention! Attention %n ! This is a National alert. Food was spilled from the cat bowl. We've sent out clean up teams to correct this mess. Hopefully we can do something about it. Before it's too late!
237	I'm away but if I told you were I was I would have to kill you buh bye!!
238	My pants are burning.....
239	I obviously have an away message up because I am ignoring you so why dont you give me a break and just leave me the hell alone!!! Thanks have a nice day.
240	Behold the mighty...chihuahua?
241	"Dude, where's my car? Where's your car dude? Seriously dude, where's my car? I dunno dude, where's your car? Dude, I think I lost my car, this may take a while!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH dude, ostriches are attacking your car,oh cheeznack get the hell off it you llamas!!!!
242	Everyone always has those special, thoughtful, crackup, cleaver away messages that make you laugh or think so hard you are tempted to take it and use it for your own. This is mine. Be back later...
243	Firefighter: At one point we decided to fight fire with fire... Well...basically... your house burned even faster. -Warning label on a fax machine
244	Shhhhhh..........Im tring to avoid %n......dont tell them though.........OMG, how did you find me?!
245	I'm out like a dog in a chinese restaurant.
246	I went to Tickle a Pickle for a Nickle.
247	I'm away but the man with the gun to my head said I can't tell you why. gulp help....
248	I'm knocking on heavens door.. voice in back round Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!! me That wasnt my fault!!! It was poor constrution..... I SWEAR!! Dont look at me like that...
249	Stop interupting my swedish meatball making!!
250	I want you..............I need you..............to leave a message
251	Screw Hotsauce...I'm the hottest stuff on this earth! ;-)
252	Do you yahoo? I sure as hell don't. -leave a msg
253	Hey I'll be back when the time reaches 6:66 not to sure when that will be but I will be back whenever it happens I have been here for 3 days now and still no hope for the time, but I promise i'll be back whenever it reaches 6:66
254	I am spinning in my computer chair, getting all dizy. Send a message to make this mayhem stop!
255	I'm too sexy 4 IM, too sexy 4 IM, so sexy it hurts...Anyways im away.
256	What do I look like, a news channel?
257	On my way to my computer I went to sit down but missed the chair, fell on my head and dropped unconscious. And when I came to this away message came up. So leave a message. Oh, and can you tell %n that I found his underwear.
258	Ground Rules:Don't touch meDon't stare at meDon't talk to me
259	I'm puttin on a clown suit and walkn up and down the street!!! This is a kodak..MOMENT!..
260	Since the world is going to end in about 5 minutes..how bout me and you confess our love to each other and make love on my couch?
261	Hey! What are you looking at? Haven't you ever seen someone pick their nose before? Geez...give me some privacy
262	Oh I'm sorry this isn't (your name), it's the AOL support line...the wait to speak to an attendant is 4 days, 3 hours, and 5.9 seconds, but please wait...your call is very important to us...thanx and have a nice day!
263	Brb...thinking of a funny away message...
264	A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke?"
265	Probably the most depressing thing in the world is having to do homework... Well, no, actually. There are probably lots of things more depressing than homework. Like running over a cute puppy dog. --------Im sorry i jumped to conclusions so quick and said that homework was the most depressing thing. ------- It still sucks, though.
266	I'm busy right now, and if I tell you what I'm doing, then I'd have to kill you!!
267	Out playing hide-and-go-seek with bin ladin...EVERYONE HELP ME FiND HIM!!!
268	Knock knock. Who's there? No one. No one, who? No,seriously no one is here so leave me a message.
269	I have fallen and I can't get up!
270	I'm out...If you need to reach me call 1-800-I-Need-A-Life
271	POOF^ Just Like that I'm gone ~!
272	hey %n I'm not here right now because my internet got disconnected...
273	I'm out driving with my keys in an electrical outlet...
274	I'm away right now. I'm bartending at a MMADD meeting right now so talk to you later bye.
275	Do Re Me Beer Dough: The stuff that buys me beer Ray: The guy who sells me beer Me: The one who drinks the beer Far: a long run to get the beer So: .I'll have another beer La: .I'll have another beer
276	Uhhhhhh...................
277	Did anyone ever ask you if your fridge was running? Well someone just asked me, and now I'm running down the street trying to catch it. Be back as soon as I catch it and drag it back to my house. :-)
278	My box that was holding my pet fire ants broke.. so im running around the house trying to find em all..
279	I am not here but if you would like to leave a message on my voice mail Press F1 then f8 and enter 13 times!!Thankz
280	Im gone like %n in who wants to be a millionaire
281	I'm watching the tv. And yes I have a tv next to my computer. If I see a hot girl, I can see the same hot girl naked in 10 seconds. No more bars for me!
282	Hey, did you hear that joke about the cat and the girl ?...... Yeah that was a great joke!
283	MY DOG ATE MY AWAY MESSAGE!
284	If This Message Appears On Your Screen, You Win Our Famous 'I Want To Live In A Farm With Hens' Contest !!! Thanks For Playing %n This Moment Is In History It's %t And 2day Is %d
285	To see your future, look below... Some person called (your screen name)will be back in a couple minutes!
286	Why go away from the computer? You want me to go outside?! There are bears outside!!!
287	I am not here at the moment please leave a message after the beep. shut the BEEP up!
288	I still miss my ex, but I'm getting better at AIM!
289	Hi... Now you say something !!:-D8-):-P
290	» OuT oF mY mInD! Be BaCk In 5!«
291	Did you hear the joke about the guy who tried messaging %n, but all they got was an away message?
292	Away messages are stupid dont ask me why I have this stupid away message up? Well I dunno give me a good away message and I'll think about putting it up here...i'm wating...
293	If the away message is a rockin...don't come a knockin!
294	ok ppl it's time to think outside the box this is the box [] u need to be here []
295	Alright 10% done. Now 20. Wow, I can't wait..... Wait it stopped...HEY! Why did you send me a message? I was waiting for that naked picture of Jennifer Lopez !
296	Who wrote under the bleachers: See more butts!?
297	like a fish out of water, I'm.. dry.. ou.. of... ideas.. for AIM.......... what the hell, just leave a message
298	Mommie, is that you?
299	Don't you love the way when you stop at a red light and it turns green....you just go?
300	Nice Monologue %n .. Just Keep On...
301	WHEN THE MULLET IS A ROCKIN..........DON'T COME A KNOCKIN!
302	MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO!!!!!!I SEE BUT WHATTA DO?
303	Error 405: Reality.sys corrupted. Universe halted. Reboot (y/n)?
304	Doing something, none of your business, stop IM'ing me!I said stop! Geez, bbl!
305	%n My Friend Visited Another Galaxy,and All l Got Was This Away Message !O:-):-D:-P:-D:-P
306	Hey, I don't know why this Away Message is on right now I just put it on. Good bye
307	I am away right now, so please leave your name, number, and a message, after you hear the tone...
308	Right this minute I'm sniffing crack, Oh Sh*t!!!!! My nose is bleeding i'll brb.
309	I'm not here right now but if the only reason you IMed me is to see my great away message from www.aimawaymessages.com then go ahead.
310	Is there a reason why you keep on IMing me? Do you need help? There is a program just for you called... Mavis Beacon!
311	Yankee Doodle went to town ridin in a toyota be back later when I fetch some motor oil
312	UUUUHHHHHHH I'M PATRICK...........You know I'm watching Spongebob silly.