Eating Lunch with the Steinacologist
Written by Raffman - October 19th, 2004
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After a few hours of begging, I finally convinced my girlfriend to go see Team
America with me this past Friday night. Once I realized that my man Kim Jong Il was the evil villian, it was icing on the
proverbial cake. The guy is literally insane, and seeing him in this movie as a puppet with
those huge glasses and that
hilarious lisp made me laugh so hard I nearly cried. While Trey Parker and Matt Stone's
last movie, South Park, actually earned a nomination for it's musical score, I don't think
it's even gonna come close this time. Maybe it's just me but I can't see, "America! FUCK
YEAH!", getting nominated let alone winning at the Acadamy's this spring. Well actually,
Kim Jong does have a stellar solo at one point in the movie that really moved me - not
spiritually or mentally but physically as I fell onto the sticky theater floor laughing my little Irish ass off. Yes
ladies and gentlemen, this movie is that good. As a forewarning however, this movie is
really, really vulgar. Not like that's a bad thing; I'm just letting ya know. Does graphic
puppet-sex scenes give you a sharper image of what I'm talkin about? Oh, and if you're
Canadian or French, or can associate somehow with the Middle East, I would take a pass on
this one; you may not like it. I dunno, maybe it's my intuition or my supernatural powers; you've been
warned.
As I was jamming out to my copy of the latest Blink 182 cd, my good friend and future roomate Steinwhe emails me about wanting to start a column on College Downtime, and also telling me of his new blog site, naturally entitled, "Eat a Fetus". You may have seen him post in the College Downtime forums under that very alias, if not then I'm sure you will in the future. I've known this kid for years, since high school, and he's one of the funniest fuckin guys I know. Not only that, but his unique combination of creativity, absurdity, and vulgarity will make him one of the most popular columnists here on this god-forsaken, so-called college entertainment site. Hell this site is designed to keep you, the bored college student, entertained inbetween and after class. "Mr. Steinacologist's" column may be so good and so addictive that you may find yourself skipping class altogether. That's something we can't have though, because if college students aren't going to class then they'll naturally all fail out. Then I'll have millions of pissed-off parents bitching and sending me "cease and desist" letters every day, and I fucking hate getting those.
Since ripping on certain Hollywood stars seems to becoming somewhat of a tradition in my articles, I might as well throw a few punches while I've got the spotlight. Apparently, Paris Hilton has inspired a few entrepreneurs to name a few new nightclubs after her since according to Fox News, "She knows something about them." The fact that this slut actually inspired someone blows me away. Anywho, the first one will be unveiled on New Years Eve in Orlando, Florida, and will be called "Club Paris". Paris Hilton reportedly will receive over $7 million just for letting the nightclub use her name, and the only contractual obligation she has is to show up there twice a month and slut it out. Well, it doesn't say "slut it out" in the contract, but I'm sure it's implied. No, wait a minute. I take that back. I'll bet $100 that it is written that way in the contract because Paris is too stupid to notice it. Even if she had her lawyer read it and he saw it, he wouldn't care because it'd give him a good laugh. By the way, has anyone read her new book yet? I'm surprised I haven't seen it on the New York Times Bestseller lists yet. And yes, I'm being completely sarcastic on that one. Oh, this chick fuckin loves College Downtime! See more of her here!
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